Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Sharknado: the drinking game

I was planning to write something moderately self absorbed on here this evening, tracking the last couple of months of my life, plans for the future, all that jazz. That's going to have to take a back seat though, for today I arrived (late, as ever) to the party they call Sharknado.

So many people have commented on the joy of watching the film at the same time as the world, with the Twitter buzz and what have you, but this was just me and my wife crying tears of joyful astonishment at almost every scene. The jet ski that teleports 50 or so yards with every change in camera angle. The house so full of water it's structurally unsound, while outside it's possible to run (not even paddle!) to the car.
The sharks that are swimming menacingly in a bypass that can have no more than 8 inches of water in it (I've always heard to be cautious around water as you can drown in only a few inches of it. It appears that the bigger puddles could house sharks too!). The persistent sunshine, even as the cast are being drenched with water. The CGI that could perhaps have been better hand-drawn by the local nursery.

There is so much to admire about Sharknado. It continues at an almost breakneck speed for the first hour, with continuity errors as persistent as the absurd plot devices. What begins with a face of open mouthed horror soon turns into a broad grin and then further metamorphoses into great big belly laughs. It sadly does slow down for 10 minutes or so as the Sharknado itself is introduced with a plodding scene in an aircraft hanger that is too generic to give rise to any continuity absurdities and dialogue too predictable to be funny. My does it make up for it at the end though!

Yet for all that, I was certain I would be an island in the sea of people who enjoyed the film as a film. Everyone else had Twitter and Facebook threads a go-go at the time, so loved that element, but through all that how many people actually saw the film? So imagine my surprise to find that Sharknado also has critical acclaim! with a score of 91% on Rotten tomatoes there is even a buzz feed page listing a selection of apparently successful films with lower scores!

My favourite review however has to be this one from Time magazine which contains this little gem:
"So we must ask different questions of this movie. We must ask: Does it entertain? Does it make us squirm while laughing while reconsidering our commitments to a pescatarian diet? Does it, we must ask above all, give us sharks in a tornado?"

With a film so bad, yet so good there has to be a way to keep it from slipping away with the sands of time (it's hardly like the effects are going to age) and the obvious method is a drinking game. The issue though is creating one where the rules aren't going to require a trip to A&E after the opening credits have rolled.

So here are my ideas, drink two fingers of drink of choice per occurrence unless otherwise specified:
  • Every pseudo-scientific explanation for the current goings on.
  • Every time a decision is made against the run of common sense.
  • Every time some one in the room begins a sentence with 'How did/would/could that...' that person does a shot.
  • Every cut away to an unreasonably deep underwater scene representing sharks in a puddle
  • Drink for the duration of time it takes for the exercising woman on the beach to put on her wetsuit. Have a spare drink ready and drink slowly. 
  • Put a hand in the air for every camera shot you think will think will end with the person centre stage dying. If the angle changes before someone dies drink two fingers, if you didn't have your hand up and they die drink a shot. 
  • *Bonus Rule* (for the brave) - Drink two fingers for every time someone mentions how bad the weather is while either the sun is shining or the sky is blue in the background.

Any thing to add? let me know below.

Before signing off though I must mention that a second Sharknado film has been commissioned.  It's name? Sharknado 2: The Second One... Enough said really.

No comments:

Post a Comment